Back to December
by LoVE LiVes ForEver
Summary: This is a little fic featuring LoVe, all the way! Veronica screws up her courage, and invites Logan to a karaoke bar! Enjoy!


Back to December

Disclaimer: I do not own Veronica Mars.

Although this is technically a song-fic, most of it isn't centered around the song. I just thought this song was all too perfect for LoVe

Enjoy!

I stared at my cell phone for a full hour, rehearsing in my mind how I wanted the conversation to go. Several times I tried to reach across my bed and grab it, but I always withdrew my hand inches from the phone. Damnit Veronica, just pick it up and dial the number! I told myself a thousand times. Finally, I closed my eyes, hit speed dial number nine, and waited for the ring. When it came, I was so startled that I nearly hung up, and as it was I dropped the darn thing, but he didn't pick up until the third ring.

"Hey there." Piz's voice came through as happy-go-lucky as usual.

Why was it so much harder because he was happy to get my call? "Hey, Piz. Um, can you come over? Like, now? If possible? Please?" My voice sounded croaky, and I swallowed hard, trying to brace myself.

"Sure, babe, anything wrong?" You could just hear his genuine concern. His voice was dripping with sincerity.

"Well…can you just get over here? We can talk then." I started to panic. I had to get off the phone.

"Sure, okay…yeah, I'll be over in -"

"No, get over here now. See you soon - like now - I mean when - yeah, okay, bye!" I hung up quickly and threw the phone at my wall. I took a deep breath and went to my closet to get dressed. It's really unlike me to be in my PJ's at 1 PM…but I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet.

After donning an outfit that I thought said clearly "I'm attractive but don't want to entice you", I staggered into the kitchen and had just enough time to start heating up water for coffee before the knock on the front door came.

I was afraid to turn around, for fear I wouldn't be able to go through with it when I saw him, but what came as the biggest shock to me was the sense of absolute indifference when I saw him at the door. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad - I felt nothing.

"Hey beautiful!" Piz stepped into the room, bringing that sweet sunshine with him. A little too sweet, I thought absently.

I glued a small smile to my face. "Hey Piz…listen, we have to talk."

"Yeah, I kind of got that from your phone call." He grinned slightly, but it faded from his face when I didn't respond or smile. "What's the matter?"

"I've been thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself" Piz said affectionately. I still didn't smile. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

I turned away from him, then back, then away again. Finally, spinning around on my heel and stuffing my hands in my pockets, I started talking. I just said whatever came into my brain. "I can't be with you any more Piz." The look on his face was one of shock, confusion, and pain, but I ignored it and kept talking. "I can't because it's not fair to either of us for me to be in this relationship because - because I'm in love with someone else." I finished softly.

Piz waited, not saying anything.

"I'm in love with Logan." I raised my eyes to meet his gaze. "I am so in love with him that every day without him cuts through me like a knife and I've been ignoring it because…because I thought if I ignored the feelings I have for him then they'd just go away. And it doesn't work." I paused for a breath. "I'm really sorry. But I can't do this."

Piz snorted. "Wow, I can't believe it took you this long to realize that."

"What?" I squeaked. "Um…not the reaction I was expecting, exactly…"

"Oh yeah, well what reaction were you expecting, exactly? Did you want me to cry and throw myself under train?" He let out a mirthless laugh. "I mean, did you REALLY think you had me fooled? Really? Did you think I was THAT stupid?" He turned away, cursing under his breath.

"I don't understand, Piz…"

"You had better." His voice was shaking slightly. "I think you do understand. Perfectly. You understand that I have had my eyes on you since the moment you walked onto this campus. You know perfectly well that I tried to ask you out a million times but you were always with Logan. You know that I saw the way you looked at him. And YOU KNOW that you NEVER looked at me that way and THAT I KNEW IT." He paused, shaking his head at me. "You knew that you were only dating me to spite Logan. Hell, you probably enjoyed the look on Logans face when he saw our tape, huh? I mean, I sure as hell did!" He laughed again, it made me shiver. "But then I realized - I was the rebound guy. Although, it's funny. Usually, when you're on rebound, you ACTUALLY TRY TO GET OVER THE PERSON YOU WERE WITH." Piz made a defeated gesture. "I'm out. You will never know how much I cared about you. Well, actually, you might, you just won't care." He swung himself around the corner and out the door.

I stood there stunned. I began to turn to go back into my room, when I heard the door open again. I didn't even have to time see him re-enter the room, all I saw was his light blue tshirt crushing me against him in one fierce embrace. Then, before I could even muster a word, he was gone. I heard his car start and pull out. I released the breath I had been holding in and tottered back to my room. I threw myself on my bed and lay there for a long time before I reached back into my pocket and pulled out my phone.

I dialed speed dial number two - he was second only to my dad - and waited for him to answer. The first ring was barely over before he picked up.

"Hello?" His voice came through, and I could hear the caution in it.

He knew who I was, obviously - we both had caller ID. He just didn't want to acknowledge that I was calling him.

"Hey." I really hoped you couldn't hear my heart pounding in my voice.

"Hey." He replied, and in doing so acknowledged my existence.

"Hey." It was all I could say. Nothing else would come out of my mouth.

"Hey."

"Okay…so I had a question."

"Wouldn't be the first time. Shoot."

I cringed even before I opened my mouth to reply. "Will you meet me tonight at that little karaoke bar outside town? I'm sure you've been there before."

He chuckled quietly. "You mean the 02-er bar or the 09-er bar?"

"Yeah, I'm really going to ask you to meet me at an 02-er bar."

"Alright, alright, point taken. So, why exactly?"

"Can you just answer me?" I tried to sound as calm as I could.

"Of course I'll meet you there." He said without hesitation.

"You - you will?" I said after a moment. "I mean, um, okay…so is ten okay?"

"Sure. I'll see you there."

I let out a sigh of relief and breathed quietly for a few moments, before letting out a low giggle of quiet excitement.

"You okay?" Logan's voice came through the phone, which I realized was still pressed to my ear.

I squealed, and hung up on him. Whoops…I could feel myself blush.

Glancing at the clock, I had hours before I had to even think about meeting Logan. I fell onto my bed and allowed the anticipation bubbling in my chest to carry me off into sleep.

I was awoken by an internal alarm clock buzzing in my brain. I shot out of bed, and was standing groggily before I had even opened my eyes. Why do I have to be up again? I thought sleepily, glancing at the clock. 9:30. Hmm…didn't I have to do something…SHIT! I ran to my closet, grabbed the first thing I saw, snatched a comb out of my drawer, and ran to the bathroom. Unbelievably, I managed to shower, dry my hair, curl my hair, apply my makeup, get dressed, and write a note to my dad in 20 minutes. I glanced at myself in the full length mirror on my way out, and paused for a moment.

I was wearing a little red number that I had gotten years ago, and hadn't had the heart to throw out after Shelly Pomroy's party. It was short, scoop necked - very flattering. My increasingly long blonde hair had - miraculously - emerged from the hair dryer and curling iron quite nicely. The two and a half minutes I had spent on my makeup had really paid off - my cheeks looked flushed, my eyes looked bright, and my lips were smiling. I couldn't help but indulge in a little vanity, I really did look quite fabulous.

I was on the road at ten to ten, which meant that I would be arriving right at ten. I breathed deeply, trying to calm the nerves that were fluttering into my throat. God Veroncia, I told myself sternly, why are you acting like a freshman meeting the boy who makes her heart go thumpety thumpety thump? I sat, wallowing in my own stupidity, as I realized that I was a freshman meeting the boy who made her heart go thumpety thumpety thump. You're loosing your touch, V, I thought will an eye roll at myself.

I pulled into the parking lot at two till. Snatching the CD out of the front seat, I dashed in the back entrance. Wallace and I had been in here before when we were hitting bars on his birthday. He had tried to manage a Chris Brown song while I took pictures. Good times, I thought fondly.

Trotting up to the DJ station, I tapped the man inside in the leg.

"Excuse me sir - I was wondering if you could maybe play this next? It's really super important to me." With what I hoped was my most winning smile, I handed him the CD.

He looked at me suspiciously. "I have 17 requests and you think I should play this next, just because you asked me to?"

I took a deep breath. Looking up at him, my eyes wide, I said, "Listen, sir. The boy I'm in love with is sitting out there, waiting for me, and he thinks that I gave him up to spite him. He honestly believes that I don't like him. And I'm really not sure why he even agreed to meet me here, but I know why I asked him. And as stupid as it seems, I asked him to come here because I think what's on this CD is going to help prove that he's wrong about me. So," I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Please."

The DJ gave a long, wide eyed stare, before he nodded slowly and opened the CD case.

"Alright, kid, you're up next." He gave me a small smile and gestured to where I should go stand.

As I waited for the guy on stage to finish up the John Mayer single that was playing, I had time to wipe the tears away from my eyes. I can't believe you cried in front of the DJ so he'd play a Taylor Swift song for you, I thought to myself. How low can you get?

Finally, the song finished. The guy came trotting backstage and handed me the mic. I took a breath. I let it out. I stepped in front the red curtain as the first chord struck. Before I even started singing, I saw him, sitting directly in front of the stage. He wasn't looking up, he was just tapping his watch and looking at the door. When he heard my voice, he whirled around.

_I'm so glad you've made time to see me_

_How's life? Tell me how's your family. _

_I haven't seen them in a while. _

A grin flickered across his face as he heard the words. Which incident was he thinking of, I wondered. Perhaps it was the time when we followed his sister to the Neptune grand, or when we walked in on Aaron beating Trina's boyfriend half to death. I pointedly avoided Logan's avid gaze.

_You've been good - busier then ever. _

_Small talk, work and the weather. _

_Your guard is up and I know why…_

Well, that's half true. He hasn't been so great, but he'd been surviving. That's more than I could say. I'd been suffocating without him every day.

'_Cause the last time you saw me _

_Is still burned in the back of your mind_

_You gave me roses - and I left them there to die…_

I gave the entire room - mostly composed of couples eating each others faces off - a sweeping look, which gave me an opportunity to look at his face. Based on the sober face he had donned, I could safely guess that he was remembering the night I had taken his heart, thrown it on the ground, and crunched it under my feet. For the millionth time.

_So this is me swallowing my pride _

_Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night_

_And I go back to December all the time. _

Knowing me, my pride was an awfully big pill to swallow. He knew that better than anyone. I had proven how proud I was when I had refused to trust him, refused to believe him, and refused to forgive him. I just prayed silently that he would at least hear me out. That he would see that this was my way of telling him everything.

_Turns out freedom ain't nothin but missing you_

_Wishing I'd realized what I'd had when you were mine_

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right_

_I go back to December all the time. _

When I broke up with him, I thought I was liberating myself. I was shedding him like a wet blanket. Turns out, you're colder without the wet blanket. I hadn't appreciated my blanket when I had it, all I had done was complain about it's weight. When someone else came along and picked it up, only then had I realized how much I wanted it back. Scratch that - needed it back.

Looking at Logan's face, I couldn't tell if any of this was registering. He was watching me keenly, taking in my every move, but his face was carefully expressionless.

_These days I haven't been sleeping _

_Staying up playing back myself leaving _

_When your birthday came and I didn't call. _

It was true. That moment, where I had marched out of his room, slamming the door behind me in tears, had haunted me. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was the horrified look on his face when I turned to go. I cried myself to sleep every night for weeks. Eventually, though, you run out of tears.

_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times_

_I watched you laughing from the passenger side _

_I realized I loved you in the fall…_

Summer was a good time. We were together, and there didn't have to be anyone else in the world but us, unless we wanted. When school came, and we were forced to be around people, it only made us stronger…or so I had thought at the time. That's what always screws it up, isn't it? People. After all, they're only human.

_The cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind _

_You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye._

My voice began to break as I recalled the words he had spoken to me the night I left for the last time. He had said he loved me, over and over. How many times had I said it back to him? Not one that I could recall. I must have hurt him more than I can ever know…

_So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you_

_Saying I'm sorry for that night_

_And I go back to December all the time_

_Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_I go back to December all the time. _

I was standing center-stage, looking to my left, to my right, down, up - anywhere but dead ahead. Finially, I raised my head, and met his gaze. His eyes had never left me.

_I miss your tan skin_

_Your sweet smile_

_So good to me - so right! _

I sang the words softly, but the whole world could hear them. I began walking slowly towards the end of the stage.

_And how you held me in your arms that September night,_

_The first time you ever saw me cry! _

Who could say when the first time was, really? Was it when Lily died? Maybe in the car, after he had rescued me from Liam Fitzpatrick? He had held me so many times. Countless times. Comforted me, soothed me, made my world a brighter place, even at it's darkest. Maybe that's why I cried so much around him.

_Maybe this is wishful thinking _

_Probably mindless dreaming_

_If we loved again I swear I'd love you right…_

Our eyes were still locked on each other. I was still walking slowly towards him. I was close enough to see his breathing quicken as I approached him.

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't…_

_And if the lock is on your door, then I understand…_

Please, please don't shut me out. I willed him to hear me screaming the words in my mind.

_Cause this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night _

_And I go back to December all the time! _

I had reached the end of the stage. I knelt. He stood and approached the edge of the stage. His face was inches from mine.

_Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_And I go back to December all the time…_

_Back to December all the - _

His lips stopped mine from uttering the last words. Without thinking, I fell against his body and wrapped my arms around his neck. Somebody from the roaring crowd around us must have snatched the microphone from my hand, because I ran both my hands through his hair as he kissed my neck. His arms snaked around my waist, and I could feel myself let go of all control as he hoisted me into his arms. Without breaking the embrace, he lifted me and carried me out the building, past the cheers of all the couples around us, and out to his car. He was spinning me around his circles, kissing every inch of my face that his lips could reach. I giggled and tried to kiss him back, but he wouldn't let me. He set me on my feet again, only to press me against the car and cover me with his mouth again.

"Logan…"

"Veronica."

I gasped as he ran his hands down my back. "Wait…"

"No. I'm done doing anything you say. I will never do what you say again."

I moaned, but managed to whisper, "That's not fair."

"Oh yes it is. Where has your instruction gotten is in the past?" He moved me gently aside and opened the door for me. He guided me into the seat and shut the door behind me. I grew impatient for him as he circled back around the car and got into the driver's seat. "Now, the way I see it, if you do what I say, we should be good." He reached over and kissed me again, deeply this time, on the lips. "Because I love you and whatever I say will be best." I was numb with the feel of him. "I love you too."

"Ah, you say that now, but later, when the Taylor Swift madness has worn off, and I've done something wrong, you may not think that." He pulled away from me to start the car. His hands were shaking.

"I will never not love you again." I said with a smile, leaning against the window and watching him drive.

"So you stopped loving me for a while?"

"No, no…I just denied that I did." I tried to reach across and kiss him again, but he kept me away with his hand.

"I'm driving!" He chuckled. "I really don't want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cops - who I'm sure you will know on a first name basis - what I'm doing to do while I'm driving."

"Fine…just drive fast." I giggled giddily and sat up straight.

The drive to the Neptune Grand seemed endless, mainly because I could barely stand to wait a second longer for his touch. He left his car at valet parking, opened the door for me, and tossed the key to the valet as he scooped me out of the seat. Lips pressed together, we stumbled into the elevator and I hit more than a few buttons in my attempt to reach Logan's floor. However, at 11 at night, fewer people than you'd think are wandering around hotels, and we weren't disturbed in our tiny elevator haven.

"Why is this elevator ride taking so long?" He groaned quietly.

"Because you won't let me go long enough to hit the right button!" I said under my breath.

"Well, can you really blame me?" He whispered. "Ugh, I wish there weren't cameras in this this thing. Not that I care that there are, it's just I don't want the security guards watching this to get porn that good for free."

I laughed. "Patience, patience…" As I reached my arms up inside the back of his shirt so I could touch his bare skin. He shivered and pushed me against the elevator wall with his mouth.

Finally, the elevator opened to our floor. We stepped out dizzily, and fell over each other to get to the door. Laughing, he took me in his arms once more and we toppled onto the couch inside. I was on top of him, kissing him, running my hands all over him, feeling him, breathing him. Suddenly, he broke away. A look of horror ran across my face - this would not do. I wasn't going to NOT kiss him after not kissing him for so long. I leaned forward again, but he stopped me playfully with his finger.

"Ah ah ah - this isn't how this is going to happen." He said with a devious smile. "Stand up."

My knees were so weak that I didn't actually know that that could be managed, but with a low grumble I wobbled to my feet.

"Now, just relax." He said softly, approaching me.

I wasn't quite prepared for what came next. He slipped off my jacket, and kissed my arms all the way from my wrists to my elbows. I closed my eyes at the sensation. He reached around me, so that I was in his embrace, and untied the back of my dress. I could feel it loosen, and my breath began to quicken in anticipation. He slipped it over my head, so that I was standing there in just my bra and panties. His eyes brightened, and he made to kiss me, but I stopped him. I pulled his t-shirt over his head and undid the top button on his jeans before allowing his embrace. He ran his fingers up and down my naked back, all the way down through my thighs. I groaned softly. He reached around me and unsnapped my bra, and it fell away. He pressed his chest against mine, kissing me, and allowed me to just enjoy the sensation of it. He knelt and kissed my torso tenderly, causing me to sigh impatiently, as I yearned for what I knew came next. Finally, after pleasuring me in every way that he could think of, he scooped me in his arms, and carried me to his bedroom. He laid me down on the bed, pulled off his jeans, and came for me.

Several hours later, I lay asleep in his arms. I was awoken by the mere feeling of being in his arms like this again. I snuggled in closer to him, as if I might lose him I every inch of our bodies weren't touching. His eyes opened, and when they fell on me he smiled sleepily.

"Sorry, I woke you up." I said, with no hint of apology in my voice.

"Well, I'll live. And anyway, I'm happy to be awoken when you're the first thing I see."

I smiled and kissed him softly. "I can't believe I managed to stay with Piz for so long."

"Yeah, I can't either."

"Hey! The proper response to that is 'I can't believe I stayed with Parker for so long either'."

"Well, it was implied." He said impishly as he rolled me over to face him. "So, I guess you broke up with Piz, huh?"

"Hmm." I said, wrapping my arms around him. "Yeah, this morning."

"Why?" He pulled away from me enough to look into my eyes.

"Because…well, you really want to know?"

"Yes, I really want to know."

"Because he didn't light up the room when he walked in. Because he didn't make my heart pound in my chest when he looked at me. Because when I kissed him, he didn't make my whole body tingle. Because when he said 'I love you', I didn't want to say it back." I smiled. "Okay?"

Logan's face shone, but he didn't smile. "Hmm. So who's this mystery guy who's set your standards so high?"

"Well, I kind of spent the night with him last night." I giggled. "I figured you wouldn't mind."

"No," he said, rolling on top of me again with a grin. "No, I don't. I just have one question."

"Hmm?"

"Why Taylor Swift?" He laughed.

I snorted. "Well, I guess because the words in the song were exactly what I've been trying to tell you since we broke up…And, knowing me, I couldn't find a better way to say them." I paused. "I guess I just figured that if you could fall back in love with me after seeing me sing karaoke to Taylor Swift then you'd love me for better or for worse."

"You're so right on so many levels, Bobcat." He said, smiling as he kissed my neck and shoulders. "You see, you're wrong about one thing."

"What's that?" I asked dreamily.

"I never fell out of love with you." And his mouth came down on mine.


End file.
